Trumpet player Screws up Miracle Comeback

London - Barney Swent had a once-in-a-lifetime opportunity. He could have become a star trumpet player again, like in the good ol' days when youngsters envied the sounds which came out of his horn. His agent spent a month convincing a large recording firm in London to allow Swent to perform his music in the Glendale Theater, and obtained sponsors who reluctantly supported the musician's comeback. Swent was all set. Except for one little problem. Only 3 minutes before the show, he informed his agent that he had forgotten his trumpet.

Says Lenny Bistater, Swent's agent - " He is a damned lunatic - He insisted that he perform anyway, and that he could duplicate the trumpet sounds with his voice..." Swent maintained that no one would notice that he didn't have a trumpet onstage.

Bistater was faced with a dilemma - Here were 4 talent scouts, 35000 people packed into the stadium, all waiting to hear Swent perform. " I had no choice, so I let him go out on stage...what a mistake". Swent walked onto the stage and began fingering an imaginary trumpet, and humming each note, expecting to fake his way through the crowd. It didn't work, and Swent was pelted with tomatoes, dead fish and other heavy objects.

Swent insists that the only reason the crowd was angry was because he wasn't allowed to complete his 3 hour show.

Says Swent - " I don't care what anyone says...I sounded like a brass trumpet. I sounded better then any trumpet player ever did. As of now, I am the star of the trumpet world". His agent has recommended that Swent see a psychiatrist as soon as possible, and has resigned as his agent, effective immediately.

" What an idiot...I told him it was an important show, so he'd better not screw up.".
Lenny Bistater
Swent's Agent

" He looked like a complete fool on stage...his voice doesn't sound anything like a damned trumpet".
Ricky Collabra
Talent Scout

"It was more like the Gong Show...Swent sucks as a musician...".
Herman Mathesson
Spectator