Minneapolis - Hilda Ballmer, a registered nurse at the "Sleepy Willow" Nursing Home was arrested on Friday after being charged with attempted murder. She had been working at the home for 3 months, and was often seen treating patients in a questionable manner. On Friday, a spokesman for the nursing home told The Mudpile of the circumstances of the arrest. " She was a witch who had no love for the elderly patients which have made our hospital their home. It didn't take long for her to try to kill some of them..." Brian Musselly, the director, showed the reporters present how Nurse Hilda tempted patients to kill themselves. First, she would remind them that they were useless to society, and then tell them that she knew where the " Magic Stairs" were....Once convinced, the patient would follow her to a small set of stairs leading to a window. She would help them climb to the top and then prompted them to " jump into the arms of the Lord". Of course, the jump was actually from a window two floors up.

Police explained that her motive for these crimes was her lack of morality and her hate of the elderly. One nurse, who worked closely with Hilda told of one incident which alarmed her and prompted her to alert the director - Hilda had despised emptying bedpans, and threatened one patient with the "wrath of hell" if he relieved himself into a bedpan again. The next morning, an orderly found the patient splattered with his own waste, and shaking with fear.

Another patient actually survived the Magic Stairs. He describes being led to the stairs, convinced that he was not any good to the world, As he leapt out, he grasped for the "arms of the Lord", but instead landed in the water fountain in the garden below. He chipped two teeth and broke his hip. Although he now admits he was wrongly led to believe that he was "going to God", the patient still holds no bitterness towards Hilda. " She was certainly a very pretty nurse...everytime she gave me a sponge bath, I knew I had a reason to live. So I was willing to believe anything she said".  

Above: Reenactment of Nurse Hilda leading an old patient up the "magic stairs" and out the window.

"She wanted me to go up the magic stairs - When I refused, she told me I would be going to hell instead, and then beat me with a cane."

                                              Rita Shreyer
                                                    92 yr old patient
                                                                                                  

"Hilda grabbed me by the scruff of the neck and practically threw me outta the window. I walloped her on the head with my book and ran down the hall... "

                                           
                                                        Maury Weinstein
                                                       88 yr old patient
                                                                                        
"Her face was red with anger. I swear, she hated all the old people here. "

                                           
                                                               Abraham Whitney
                                             Patient