The Mud Pile

City Follows Paper Trail After Toilet Scare

DETROIT (Reuters) - The truth about Detroit's latest police mystery may never be known, because the evidence -- if there ever was any -- was flushed down the toilet.

Tuesday City Councilwoman Kay Everett told council members she had received calls from police headquarters and two precincts saying officers were forced to bring their own toilet paper because the city could not pay suppliers.

``It's not really funny when you have to air-dry,'' Everett was quoted as saying by the Detroit Free Press Wednesday. ``It is a health hazard when you don't have toilet paper.''

But Wednesday Greg Bowens, Mayor Dennis Archer's press secretary, said a day-long investigation found the police department never ran out of toilet paper.

``We take the health, safety and welfare of our police officers very seriously,'' said Bowens.

``In this instance we have followed the paper trail and discovered the invoices detailing the order and subsequent delivery of the aforementioned equipment. At least the K9 unit has something to help them clean themselves. ''

Detroit's k9 unit says they aren't worried one bit. They have
their dogs to wipe with.

"It's so unfair, I didn't flush anything except my poop, it shouldn't effect
all of us!" - Officer Hartmen

"Dammit, I want taking a dump and had to air dry, thanks DPD." - Secretary Kathy Burks.