Spokane, WA - Law enforcement agencies are breathing a sigh of relief after learning that Maggie, a Killer Doll, had been tracked down and destroyed early last evening. Police, acting on an anonymous tip, corralled the doll in a toy store and used a microwave projectile to short circuit her electronics, rendering her harmless.

The saga began last winter, when a stock boy at a leading toy store was stacking Baby Dolls on a shelf for the big Christmas sale the following day. Suddenly he heard a shrill voice call out his name - " I heard one of the dolls screaming obscenities and it freaked me out. But when the doll jumped at me and bit me with its razor sharp teeth, I knew it was time to get the heck outta there..." said Steve Halpern, the terrified worker. The doll had been terrorizing local toy stores and had already claimed 3 victims, including a shopper whose thumb had been bitten off by the killer doll.

A spokesman for the Happy Toy Company, the manufacturer of the Baby Doll, stated that " I have no idea who implanted the electro-mechanical killing feature within the doll, but as soon as I find out, I'm gonna cook his goose..." Meanwhile, police have launched a full-scale investigation of all employees.

An autopsy revealed that the Baby Doll had sophisticated electronic components which enabled her to talk, walk and her advanced brain was programmed to defend itself even if it meant killing. The FBI was called in to assist in the investigation after a microchip within the doll's eyes was found to be transmitting data to a country which, although unnamed, has rocky relations with the United States.

The Mudpile has learned that in 1994, the Happy Toy Company had a similar incident with it's " Cookie Monster " product line, but it was discovered before any of them were shipped to toy stores. Consumers who own any of the Baby Dolls should check whether their doll has the following serial numbers :

12BB4XXBA1998
12CC5TTCB1998

The numbers are located on the doll's tush and any doll which bears the serial numbers should be returned to the point of purchase for a full refund.

Above: On the autopsy table - Baby Doll may look cute, but it's an electro mechanical Killing machine.

"This is not a doll..it's a darned killer cyborg."

                               Jim Kaplan
                                     Spokane Police
                                                                                                  

" There was something about the doll which just didn't seem right..It kept using the F word over and over... "
                                                   Betty Ridder
                                                            Toy store shopper                       

" When I cut into the doll, I realized it was the creation of an evil electronic mastermind."

                            Dr. Christopher Luttart
                    Forensic Specialist
                                Spokane General Hospital

" For crying out loud ! What's next ? An army of Ken's and Barbie's taking over the world ?? "

              Louisa Camenelli
 Chairman
                                    Concerned Mother's Association